It sounds like an arsenal ripe for endless amusement, but the sad reality is that it’s a slow grind. Juliet uses pom-poms, a chainsaw, a gigantic gun, and sometimes the head of her boyfriend on the end of a leash to kill zombies. His sarcastic demeanor makes playing as Juliet tolerable - something that can’t really be said about the combat or enemy encounters. Juliet is an idiotic, unaware bimbo, and Nick is a frustrated, frightened, impatient high schooler who just has to deal with her. Almost every word out of Nick’s mouth made me laugh out loud because he’s written well. His banter is one of the only constants in Lollipop Chainsaw. He’s confused, incapable of contributing much, and quick with a witty joke. Of course, the guy can’t do much more than color commentary since he’s nothing more than a disembodied head strapped to Juliet’s waist. A few hours into the five-hour story I was sick of hearing anyone say anything - except for Nick, Juliet’s boyfriend. The exhausting vulgarity is amusing early on but grows annoying shortly afterward. When shocking and titillating the player take precedent over the core gameplay loop, we have problems. Obscenity eventually hits a point where it’s no longer contributing to anything. In and out of combat, the primary goal of Lollipop Chainsaw is the money shot, whether it’s up Starling’s skirt or down her shirt. For every zombie Juliet Starling decapitates with her chainsaw, someone calls her a whore, talks about masturbating to her, or comments on her gigantic breasts.
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